People Can Be Flawed and Amazing at the Same Time

Mankind is amazing. Since the beginning of time, many brilliant and determined people have helped evolve societies and created advancements in science, technology, business, and government. Much good has been done but I think in some ways, ways that may be deeply important to the future of our country, we have regressed. In recent years, even in recent days, we have seen a shift in what is valued in our society. Emotions, whims, impulses, disorder, chaos, fear, blame, generalization, rationalization-- these have taken precedence over truth, order, individual responsibility, accountability, forgiveness, grace, charity, peace, and faith. It seems the world is in turmoil and chaos. Divisiveness in our nation seems to be at an all time high, even with professions of tolerance and unity. Could it be that we create more intolerance and division by so intensely focusing on the lack of these things? Do we inadvertently become more angry, bitter, and intolerant by screaming and demanding that everyone else be loving and peaceful? Change cannot come by demanding it; it cannot come by screaming for it, rioting for it, or silencing others for it. True change comes when thoughtful, intentional dialogue can take place. When both sides see the other as equals--equal in human value, in validity of thought, and worthy of kindness and love. The media and social media world is a terrible ground on which to build this line of thinking. Rational, calm and well-thought out conversations seem to be in short supply these days. And it’s because more and more people are becoming less rational, less calm, and less well-thought out in their own ideas and conclusions. Why? Why are more and more people unwilling to do research for themselves, or to listen to opposing thoughts and opinions? Why are feelings and biases more important than truth? Media is certainly part of it. But I also think it’s  because it’s EASY. Finding truth is hard, being willing to be wrong is hard. And our human brains by default don’t like that--we like to do what is fast, convenient, and easy.  It is easy to just read news headlines and social media posts and take them as fact. It’s easy to just jump on a bandwagon of thought and stay there. In a wagon you get to ride everywhere--why get off and walk, run, or push? That’s too hard. And hard is just not acceptable in our society. So we will force everyone to change any thought or idea that makes it “harder” for someone else. And all in the name of unity. But it seems we have a new standard of unity: that everyone must agree on a belief system that is set forth by a certain visible and loud group of people. And if you don’t comply with this narrative then you are insensitive, intolerant, and cruel. Except, how can you force unity? Isn’t the group doing the forcing then exhibiting the very things they want others to stop doing? How can you be tolerant while being intolerant of other belief systems? How can you be kind when your standard of kindness only extends to those who think the same way as you? How can you be sensitive and understanding when you are not even willing to hear and listen to another human being’s point of view? We talk about not stereotyping, about not putting people into groups, but that very thing is happening when we extrapolate a few people’s bad behavior onto everyone else associated with that group. We are not allowing for individuals to be both amazing and flawed at the same time. We are saying that good and bad cannot exist together, for if we call something bad, it must all be bad. And therefore, the opposing thing must be all good. This pertains to society at large and to individuals. These are grave mistakes we are making in our society. Even people who aren’t alive today are becoming victims of this field of thought. What are the consequences of this? What happens when you believe that good and bad cannot exist in the same sphere? Well, nothing good! If we cannot tolerate human error and weakness on any level, then there is no forgiveness or grace; no learning or growth. And without these things, what attributes can we reasonably expect to foster? Hatred, bitterness, judgement, pride, and destruction. Some feel that we need to tear everything down to build a “better” world. But at what price? This line of thinking can have catastrophic consequences, as we have seen in events in history. 1930s Germany, for example. Did not Hitler believe that there needed to be a cleansing or rebuilding of the world so that evil and imperfection would be rooted out? And what did he breed? The fruits of his “labor” were horrific and fostered nothing but fear and destruction. I hope we are better than this in America. I pray we can be. It starts with us, as individuals--every person taking personal responsibility for what they create and put out into the world. No blame, no rationalization, no excuses. Just a general desire to do good everyday--starting at home. I have faith in God to lead and guide me and my family, and that is where my peace lies. I know He is in charge and that “all that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.” Be the change you want to see in the world! Don’t just say, shout, write or talk about the change--BE IT.

War of Words

I am a very verbal person, always have been, probably always will be. I love communicating thoughts and ideas on a variety of topics. I am also a person who does not like to be thought ill of. So this can be a difficult combination at times :) I feel like Elizabeth Bennett when she says to her sister, Jane, "I cannot bear to think that he is alive in the world and thinking ill of me." She says this in regards to Mr. Darcy, but I think I feel like that about almost everyone. I have never liked knowing that someone feels any sort of negative emotions towards or about me. There are exceptions to this--usually the opinions of a stranger or someone I don't know very well--their words don't have the same effect on me, or at least the effect doesn't last as long. There are also times when I feel extremely comfortable with my viewpoint and very confident in the fact that I have not acted maliciously. I usually have these feelings in regards to my religion and moral values. It is easy for me to find truth in these things, so I don't sweat people's opposing views or verbal attacks even. But when I don't know exactly what's true and I'm trying to find out, I'm a little more vulnerable. Knowing something is right and true for me comes from researching and reading, yes, but more so from my feelings and experiences. Science and politics are every-changing and I don't have a grasp on all of it. But I try to understand and be open. I question everything, even if something comes from an expert. (Didn't experts tell us margarine was SO much better than butter back in the 90s??) :) It's not because I'm selfish, naive, or ignorant. I research and make my own decisions trying to be caring, educated, and informed. And when I come to a different conclusion than others, I have such a hard time when people cannot or will not try and understand me. I think it is a basic need as human beings to be understood. I truly believe that this is why there are so many angry, bitter, and depressed people in the world right now. Social media has become a battleground in many ways, with hardly anyone seeking to understand. People just draw their swords and put up their shields before even asking why people are there to defend in the first place. Even people I know who are good people, who are kind and intelligent, refuse to see an opposing view as just as valid or important. Differing views are seen as "less than" and the people who hold them as stupid, selfish, and apathetic. I have seen this on both sides of any controversial issue and it just saddens me. We talk about unifying our country, about "getting through this together", but I see so much division happening because no one stops to ask questions--to understand another person. They believe and see only what fits into their already formed narratives (again, this happens on both sides of the isle). And I think what is really behind all of this is FEAR. Fear that what we want to hold to so tightly might not be true after all and that will somehow make us weak and invaluable. Fear that people who share our political or religious views will turn on us if we say something even slightly contrary. Fear that we cannot control everyone and everything around us and that means we have failed in some way. And as I write this, I know that because I have a hard time with others' opinions of me, I am afraid. Afraid of being seen as mean or unintelligent. I know others' words and opinions can't hurt me until I think they might be true, but having confidence in myself is sometimes illusive. But one thing I have learned about confidence is that it's not about thinking you're right all the time and never backing down, it's about being WILLING to be wrong and loving yourself anyway. Being wrong doesn't make you weak or unworthy. We are all human beings trying to navigate this crazy world with all its difficulties and uncertainties. We are on a verbal battlefield sometimes; a war of words, and it can be ugly. But fear cannot be our constant driver. Not if we want to unify our families, communities, and ultimately our nation. So what can I do? What can we do? There is no easy answer but I know that for me, my continuing work right now is to feel love and confidence in the midst of verbal opposition. It's to have positive thoughts about myself, good experiences with my family and friends, serve in my community, and draw closer to God through prayer. I know that much good is happening everywhere and that trials bring out some of the best qualities humans are capable of. It's amazing to see and I'm truly grateful for people who put love and peace before hatred and fear. That is the example I am striving to follow.