I recently read a very thought-provoking book called "The Peacegiver" by James Ferrell. It was about the Atonement, but not strictly in an informative sense. It addressed the subject in such an illuminating way that I felt my view of this miraculous act was forever changed. Maybe not "changed" necessarily, but deepened so much as to make my perspective on life different. I thought about how many times I try and do things by myself believing that I am weak if I have to ask for help so readily. And I thought about how easy it is to succumb to pride in terms of it's true meaning: comparison. How easily I base my reactions off of others' actions; putting myself in the victim mode too often and thinking that righteousness is a relative term--that somehow if I'm doing "more" then I shouldn't have to be the one to humble myself or apologize first. This book really opened my eyes to see how the Savior suffered for each one of us individually and that our happiness is separate from what others do around us. And what we choose to do in life should only be based on our relationship with the Savior, never being provoked or justified by another's actions. Many times we see others acting in certain ways or saying certain things and we feel it justifies us in acting in a way we otherwise wouldn't. Or we're allowed to feel more righteous than them because they are "sinning" worse than we are. How are we to make that judgment or assumption? To quote from the book (the author is bringing out a parallel to our lives through the story of Jonah):
"You see, Ricky, relative righteousness means nothing. Whether Jonah was better or worse than Nineveh isn't the question at all.... Some laborers work longer, the Savior told us in one of his parables, and others shorter. Each person's payment at the end of the day has nothing whatsoever to do with the work of others. We are each working out our own salvation with fear and trembling before the Lord. And that gift will come to us only if we know in our hearts that we deserve it no more than anyone else.... The truth is, we are all, each of us, equally damned without the mercy of the Lord. Eternal life is a gift. I have no cause to feel entitled. I have cause only to feel grateful."
I feel very humbled by this and immensely unworthy, yet grateful, for what the Savior has done for us, all of us individually. I have come to understand that the Atonement means so much more than "suffering for us". It seems like we use that phrase so casually because, well, who of us can possibly comprehend what was actually done in the garden of Gethsemane? But I know that the Atonement is real and that because of it I am free from the powers of darkness and temptation, if I choose. And why not choose Christ? What happier alternative would there be? I don't have to be in the power of Satan or succumb to weakness! Christ has done that for me already, and He faced what none of us will ever have to. So we should come unto Him every day of our lives. One final quote, Christ suffered an "indescribable anguish and overpowering torture, a supreme contest with the power of evil, an hour of anguish when Christ had to meet and overcome all the horrors that Satan could inflict. And he suffers all this.... for us.... the addict, the abuser, the chronic complainer, those whose spirits are depressed. His struggle tonight is for all mankind, but only because it was for each of us, individually and specifically.... If we harden not our hearts and stiffen not our necks against him, he will facilitate the breaking of our sinful, stony hearts and will give us what Ezekiel called his new 'heart of flesh', saving us from all our uncleannesses. This is the miracle of Gethsemane."
