Marriage and Family

I have been thinking a lot about marriage and kids lately. First of all, I feel very thankful and blessed to have the family that I do. My kids and my husband truly are amazing. Not that we're perfect, we definitely have lots of things we could work on, but I do feel like we try and that's the important thing. Anyway, I was talking with a friend today and we were talking about a mentality that seems to exist among some stay-at-home moms or even working women--that their husbands are like their kids--they have to tell them what to do, remind them of what's important, give permission for the activities they're allowed to do, etc. Also, some women think that they are entitled to have their husband's help 24/7 and they get mad if he doesn't fulfill her every whim because SHE has the harder job and he needs to realize that SHE needs a break and how dare he do anything else! Sorry, this may sound harsh--in no way am I suggesting that women do not need support and help from their husbands, of course we do! But it's more the attitude with which it is done, like somehow men don't have any burdens and they need to cater to the women since all they do is stay home with the kids. This really bothers me and maybe it stems from women not finding joy at home because being a mother can be stressful and monotonous. I've read a few articles lately that seem to be sending the message: don't worry if you don't find joy in your life, don't worry about seizing the day, don't feel guilty for feeling stressed and angry instead of happy and joyful--you are entitled to feel that way because you're doing a really hard and tedious thing! (Being a MOM!!) Mmmmm... don't get me wrong, I completely understand the stressed and frustrated and the "my life is really tedious" feelings, no question about that! But I don't know, it just kind of rubbed me the wrong way, like it's an excuse for us not to find joy in the hardships of being a mother. I know I could do so much better with that, so maybe that's why it made me think a little bit about what mentalities exist and are accepted out there, and what mentality do I want to have in my life? I know it's okay not to feel happy and joyful all the time, I shouldn't feel guilty about that. But that should not stop me from trying to savor every day or moment with my kids instead of feeling like I can't wait until they get out of the house!!! Are they getting those vibes from me, that I am happier when they're not there? WOW, how would I feel if I felt like my parents thought that about me? I know I've written about this before, so forgive me, but it's just something I feel so strongly about. And maybe I'm just missing the boat here because I haven't gone through "hard" things relative to some of those around me, but is there anything that would be too hard in my life for me to say to Heavenly Father, "Sorry, I just couldn't find joy in anything you gave me.." We all have our challenges, seen and unseen, but it doesn't change the principle: that I should be anxiously concerned for the welfare of my husband and children, even if it is hard. Are we all selfish sometimes? Of course, but just like I need the love and help from my husband, he needs me, just as much, to sacrifice for him, and love him even when it's hard. Jon does so much for us--it's stressful to have the role of provider and be a good husband, father, priesthood holder, etc. And of course it can't be all give, give, give, or take, take, take--marriage is a partnership and if one person is all take, take, take, and engaging in sinful behavior, of course that's different and we all need to be sensitive to those situations. But I read a book one time about marriage not being 50/50, it's more like 100/100. So that means that even if I feel like I DESERVE a break and need help, I shouldn't feel entitled to and expecting of it. I can be grateful and kind when my husband or child does something to help me-- not think, "Well it's about time!" If I gave a bit more, I might just find I get a lot more back! Yes, it's hard, there are days that stink and I feel like I just want to cry my eyes out. But I think that trying to develop more an overall attitude of love, and realizing everyday the divine purpose of which I am a part, really will help me find more joy in my family life. I received some good advice when Jon and I got married, "Try to out do each other in acts of service, but don't keep score." I love that and I know I can do better with everything that I've been talking about--I am in no way the perfect example of any of these things, but these are just some thoughts that have been on my mind and I feel like if we try and incorporate gratitude, service, and love into how we act towards our family members, that we will be happier in our lives, no matter what circumstances we may be in. I'm grateful for the ultimate example of love, Jesus Christ. He always thought of others first and was concerned for the welfare of everyone around Him. He did not tolerate sin and taught accordingly, but he was always loving and never judgmental or degrading. To quote an EFY theme I had 15 years ago (haha) :) "Joy in the journey!!" That's really what it's all about.