Some Thoughts

I really hope the quote, "The more perfect you become, the more imperfect you think you are" is true! :) It's part of that refiner's fire I guess.. but it can definitely get me down when I dwell on all my weaknesses and imperfections. But no more! This blog is titled "Hope, a Ray of Sunshine". And why? Because hope means having JOY! Don't you think of sunshine when you think of joy?? And we have both of those things because of our Savior, Jesus Christ and this restored Gospel that He has given us in this time. We can have hope and joy NOW, in a world that is full wickedness and ugliness, we still have so much goodness around us that we just need to look for. I really believe that you will see what you are looking for. I used to consider myself a very pleasant, friendly, and optimistic person. Not that I'm now completely the opposite, but I do think as part of my weaknesses being brought up to the surface, I am seeing how quickly I can get down when things seem despairing. I took a good look at myself today and realized that I do lack hope and joy in many ways--and wait, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints! I know Heavenly Father's plan for me. I know that His plan is supposed to be a plan of HAPPINESS. Am I looking for happiness in the wrong things? Food? Movies? Other people's opinions of me? Things going perfectly all the time? And whatever else our vices can be. Happiness is not found in many worldly things. Of course the world would tell us differently, but as we all know pleasure and happiness (meaning true joy) are two very different things! I do not want to go through this life by gritting my teeth and just surviving everyday. I want to have JOY in my life, no matter what my circumstances may be. Being happy or not doesn't have to be dictated by our circumstances. I recently read a blog post by an old college friend who lost her son in a tragic accident 5 years ago. Obviously this was an extremely difficult thing to go through and the grief was all-consuming. But she has chosen to live with joy because of what she does have today. Her two other beautiful children for example. And I haven't gone through anything close to what she has, but life has a way of making us robots. We get impatient, bitter, annoyed, frustrated, stressed, and wow that just sounds like an awful way to be. But I have been there--too many days, and I am determined to be like my friend, Michelle, who is making and holding on to those moments that do bring joy. Michelle's inspiring post is here if you care to read:

http://daysofmichelleslife.blogspot.com/2011/05/prioritizing.html

I have another friend Becky, who posted on her Facebook info that she thrives on being happy and positive. I am so thankful for the example of Becky--she has always been an inspiration to me because of the joy she feels in the little, but so important, things. I feel like I used to be more like that and I've lost it somehow. Like I said, the burdens of life have a way of making us forget how blessed we really are and how much joy we should be feeling through every day--even through trials and suffering, etc. But really, burdens are burdens only if we perceive them that way. Let's take children for example. Burdens or blessings? Okay, both in a way right? But I have always wanted to be the kind of mom who sees her children as joys and not burdens. And it's a toss up between the two some days, definitely :) I am in no way a patient and loving and exemplary mom all the time! I know, you're shocked right? :) But I do feel so strongly that we need our children so much more than they need us because they keep us unselfish and humble and loving and compassionate (IF we let them). I know that we are accountable to Heavenly Father for the stewardships that He gives us here on this Earth--children being a very big one. I want to be able to look at Him and say that I gave everything I could to making those little ones He gave me happy, even if they don't make good choices, which of course they won't at times. But I want to say that I gave myself and showed them that I loved them no matter what they did or how they turned out. I've lived too many days begrudgingly--and why? Did I hope for something better and more exciting to come along? I'm just biding my time until this crazy and hectic phase of life is over? How sad! MY children are absolutely amazing. They constantly astound me with how smart and thoughtful and loving and humble they are. How can I brush them aside and not take the time to look into their eyes and see what amazing and wonderful human beings they are. As my friend, Michelle, said, you can tell your kids a million times you love them, but if they don't have you--your time, your loving acts of service, your positive take on being their mother--what will they believe? I learned in college that children's minds are like blackboards and we write messages on them all the time by what we say and do--what kinds of messages am I sending to my kids? That they are worth something to this world, to our family? That they are so special and worth me taking the time to play with them or read to them? I know that none of us can be everything our children need. Our tempers will get the better of us or we'll spend too much time on the computer or phone, but I think it's an overall attitude--what general message are we sending to them? I want my kids to know and to feel that I feel PRIVILEGED to be their mother. And I am! Even though I don't show it as much as I should--I'm going to do better! I am so blessed to have such angel children sent to my home--they are so sweet and helpful and thoughtful. I love to see them grow and learn and I'm thankful that I can be there for them and with them along their journey in this life. So joy here I come!