Someday We'll Understand

I read this the other day and it really hit home for me. I find myself doubting a lot because I cannot seem to make sense of some things I see and hear around me. But this gave me comfort and hope! I hope it does you, too. It's called, "When We Understand the Plan".

I reckon when the world we leave
And cease to smile and cease to grieve,
When each of us shall quit the strife
And drop the working tools of life,
Somewhere, somehow, we'll come to find
Just what our Maker had in mind.

Perhaps through clearer eyes then these
We'll read life's hidden mysteries,
And learn the reason for our tears--
Why sometimes came unhappy years,
And why our dearest joys were brief
And bound so closely unto grief.

There is so much beyond our scope,
As blindly on through life we grope,
So much we cannot understand,
However wisely we have planned,
That all who walk this earth about
Are constantly beset by doubt.

No one of us can truly say
Why loved ones must be called away,
Why hearts are hurt, or e'en explain
Why some must suffer years of pain;
Yet some day all of us shall know
The reason why these things are so.

I reckon in the years to come,
When these poor lips of clay are dumb,
And these poor hands have ceased to toil,
Somewhere upon a fairer soil
God shall to all of us make clear
The purpose of our trials here.

The "Cycle" of Life

I was taking a Cycling class at the YMCA the other day and an analogy about life struck me. If any of you have ever taken Cycling before, you will know that these classes can be very intense! I was thinking the whole time through the workout, "Oh my gosh this is so hard." But yet I loved it! (That's a whole other analogy though) :) Anyway, throughout the course of the class, the instructor has you do various patterns of pedaling: sprinting, coasting, going 80% of your max pace, uphill climbs, etc., all with varying degrees of resistance. For sprinting, obviously you need to have less resistance so you can go really far really fast. For uphill climbs, the resistance increases because you need something to push against as you ascend otherwise your legs will burn out too quickly. And for coasting or going a certain percentage of your maximum pace, resistance will vary based on how hard you want to work. So okay, there are just analogies all over the place with this, but the one that came to my mind was: COMPARISON. As I was going along through the workout, I started looking at the people around me and the speed at which they were pedaling during the various intervals. I started to compare myself to them, thinking "Why are they pedaling faster then me? I'm barely making it and I'm an aerobics instructor!" or "Hey I'm going faster than that person over there, I'm doing awesome!" But as I thought about it, it seemed really silly for me to even be thinking these things because, I realized, there is something you cannot tell from looking at everyone around you: what the person's level of resistance is! So here it comes... ;) We cannot tell sometimes (or most of the time) what a person may be going through just by looking. Sometimes it seems like OUR problems are so huge and our faults so insurmountable because just by "looking" at someone else they might "seem" a lot better than us in a particular area (or a lot of areas). Or we may be going through a particularly "uphill-free" stage of life and revel in our coasting and level 5 resistance, instead of seeing how we can help someone who is maybe at a 9 or 10. It isn't fair to judge EITHER WAY (being the one who has the seemingly "greater" trials or the one who achieves greatness and looks down upon those who are "behind". Who is really behind? Heavenly Father does not care how we are doing in reference to everyone else. He loves us as we are, and loves us enough to help us change into the kind of person He knows we can be, without measuring our problems or successes against others. This is an amazing gift and we only diminish the Atonement of Christ by comparing ourselves with others--we are all in need of His grace. I love this scripture:

"For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have....?" Mosiah 4:19

Sarah Needs Your Help! Meet Sarah--isn't she beautiful? And from this picture, you probably cannot tell that Sarah is fighting a battle with cancer. Her sweet and strong spirit doesn't ever let on that she has this disease! She is a fighter and has made it through some tough obstacles already! They have a long way to go however and are in need of some help. Sarah's family is in our ward here in Naperville, and as her church family, we are trying to get them the help they need to continue Sarah's care for her cancer!
Sarah was diagnosed with Retinoblastoma when she was 8 months old. At first, her prognosis was good, but the course her cancer took proved out the area of expertise of Children's Memorial here in Chicago. Her family has fought an exhaustive fight to get her the best care possible at a wonderful hospital in New York City. As they are in Chicago, they are traveling to NY numerous times and are in need of help with these traveling expenses. The family's income is small and Sarah desperately needs to keep going to New York to secure her chances of beating this cancer. We are looking for help for Sarah and her family in the form of small monetary donations. If you can help, anything will be truly appreciated!! Even $1 or $2 will make a difference you guys! I know we can help them and that this will truly bless their lives during this difficult time. Please click the link below to donate anything you can! Thanks so much everyone!!! And please pass the word on!

The First Time Around

I am the kind of person who likes things to be going well all the time, as if sadness or frustration were somehow a sign of failure or weakness. But I have come to learn these past few months especially that being in a state of contentment all the time and being perfect at things right away isn't really the point. We learn that "perfection" is to eventually be achieved, but I think some of us want to do everything right, right away. We forget that becoming perfect is a process. And sometimes the process hurts. It's frustrating and disappointing; it will expose our weaknesses and shortcomings; it will require us to push forward through guilt and hurt without being vindicated. This is a hard process, but nonetheless it is in all of this turmoil and chaos that perfection is achieved, if we realize the best that we can do is to never give up hope, never lose hope in our Savior, that He can carry us from day to day and even moment to moment. We can overcome tribulation and grow as people with Christ as our leader and example. I remember in China hearing a quote that was really interesting and it has stuck with me. Living in China was one of the best things I've ever done and I grew so much more in that 6 months than I feel like I have over periods of years. Oddly though, it was a time when I felt weak and like I was taking steps back. So a friend said to me this, "The more perfect you become, the more imperfect you think you are." I really hope this is true. I think it is because to become perfect we need to be refined--have all the impurities (or weaknesses) exposed and removed. So if we are seeing lots of weaknesses in ourselves, that just means we are that much closer to being refined and pure, like our Savior. And of course it is through Him that this refinement can happen, if we chose to accept His perfect Atonement.

Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

Hope of Goodness

"Stretching our souls in service helps us to rise above our cares, concerns, and challenges. The truth is that our only safety, our only security, our only hope is to hold fast to that which is good." --Elder David S. Baxter

There are good people in this world!! I see examples all the time, but today I was very thankful for a man in Barnes and Noble who helped me as I was struggling with my over-sized stroller. He noticed I was having trouble pushing it and he simply smiled and picked it up so it went over the obstacle. It was a small thing, but to me, it relieved a small burden for a moment.

Another instance that touched me happened in downtown Chicago. I was walking down Michigan Avenue and in front of me there was a woman who looked in very bad shape. She was in a wheelchair and was holding a cup. It is sometimes easy to dismiss these people as they are not uncommon in the city, and I often struggle with what to do when I pass them. But there was in front of me, a kind person who stopped to talk to this woman. She smiled as she gave her a sandwich from Subway and even slipped some extra money into this woman's hand. She said "Good to see you!" as she walked away, which made me think she has befriended this person or at least seen her before. I was touched and left feeling that I need to do more to serve those around me. Seeing these things gives me hope that there will always be those who are selfless and that we need to look for that in the midst of all the selfishness we see.

The Best Things in Life...

are free! Yes, but that's not what I was going to say :) What exactly are the best things in life? I wanted to write down some of the things I find absolutely great about this life. Some are of eternal value, some of temporal significance and some are of both. I think it's beneficial for me, the "worrier" to reflect on what some of the greatest things about life are instead of having a "doom and gloom" attitude about what goes on around me in the world. I know that one of the greatest challenges in this life is to be "in the world, but not of the world". It doesn't mean we can't emjoy the things of earth, but we must rise above the flow of changing moral values and a the consistent confusion of good versus evil. Part of doing that is recognizing the Lord's hand in our lives and the blessings He has given to us. So here are my best things in life:

A genuinely good-hearted husband
Children who teach me
A warm and safe home
The scriptures
General Conference
Hot showers
Smoothies
Ice-cold water
People who care about you and show it
Dinners people give you after you've had a baby (we've got some awesome cooks in our ward I just have to say) :)
Watching a good, funny, romantic movie
Summer nights, with a little bit of a warm breeze
Green grass
Thunderstorms
Les Miserables
The Chronicles of Narnia series
Bike rides
Roller-blading
Frozen yogurt (with Reeses Peanut Butter Cups!)
Subs (the sandwich kind)
Hot Chocolate
Pianos
Musicals in general (besides Les Mis, which is my all-time favorite, I love The Music Man, Phantom, Blood Brothers, Ragtime).
Andrea Bocelli
Sarah Brightman
Mana
Okay, so I could on and on with the music stuff..... :)
Going to church
Seeing old friends
Seeing new friends
Going out to eat
Massages
Free days at the Chicago Museums
Lake Michigan

Well I think I could go on and on, but that was a fun reminder about all the great stuff about this life! And to quote my wonderful friend, Beeks, who is an amazing example of positivity and optimism, "I LOVE LIFE!" :)

Giving Everything

I heard a song the other day and I don't know what the title is, but a question in the chorus of the song really struck me: " I don't want to spend my whole life asking, "What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?" It just made me think about what life is really about and WHY I do the things I do. Do I just monotonously go through my same routine everyday because I've never known anything else? And then when trials come, I say, "Well it must all be for nothing anyway." Or do I truly give everything in being a wife, a mother, a woman of God, because that's what I KNOW Heavenly Father wants me to do, even in the midst of hard times? I think we all come to a point (or several points) in our lives where we question ourselves and what the point is of doing what we do and believing in what we believe in. But I choose, when I find my faith wavering, to go with what works. What really makes me happy? I try to remember those experiences I've had when I know that the Spirit has comforted me or borne witness of truth. I so easily forget. But I know that true peace and joy are found in living (truly living) the plan of happiness that Heavenly Father has for all of His children. I struggle with turning my will over to His sometimes, because I am afraid of not being able to handle what is ahead. And I know I don't give everything I have all the time because of impatience and distraction and again, fear. But I know that I don't want to look back on my life and ask myself, "What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?" I must have faith that there are marvelous things prepared for those who do give their all for His sake and I must keep trying! The following scripture gives me a lot of comfort:

"But as it is written, eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." 1 Cor. 2:9

Giving everything is hard, especially when life is hard! But I as my wonderful friend, Marilyn, said to me on Sunday, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philip. 4:13 I know all of us can do this!

The Love of Our Heavenly Father and Savior

What do we have hope in if not a Supreme Being who has overcome all evil and who loves us unconditionally; sees our needs, answers our prayers, and heals us with His Spirit? What would be left to have hope in? When all seems dark around us, we must believe that there is someone out there who knows all and who will bring mercy to those who suffer, and justice to those who would willingly inflict suffering. If there is no Heavenly Father, then those who do wickedly would never have to suffer as they make those around them to do so. And those who are righteous would have no hope of blessings or a reward for their patience, kindness, and forgiveness. There would be no purpose in any of what we do. We must believe there is purpose and that there is a God over all people and things! If not, how truly hopeless our situation would be! And if we choose to believe that there is a God, we must take the time to find out His character through study of the scriptures, prayer, and personal experiences; or perhaps, the experiences of others if we find our desire waning. We must be believing and unshaken in our hope that there is a God who loves us, even if all around us should fail. I love these words from Paul:

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?....Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." --Romans 8: 35, 37-39

A beautiful hymn also comes to mind:

"Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone.
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed, we shall meet at last.

Choose to Hope

Why I still choose to hope.....

I have seen many people, despite trials and suffering, who still hope and who still trust that God cares for them and loves them. They continue strong and unwavering in their faith despite....

watching a child battle cancer and lose.
watching a child battle cancer and win.
battling cancer themselves.
being abandoned by a husband.
the deaths of 3 family members in one month
having to bury a baby who was 20 weeks premature.
having been addicted to drugs and alcohol.
having to take care of a husband for years while he suffered and eventually died.
being in a wheel chair and doctors cannot diagnose the condition.
losing a job and not finding one again for 6 months.
having to bring children to church every Sunday alone.
struggling with diabetes.
being away from church for 20 years.
the divorce of parents after 25 years.
struggling with an eating disorder.
having a severely handicapped child who will never talk or walk.
having been through a divorce which was no fault of their own.
being abused by a spouse.
being single and pregnant.
having a spouse with a severe mental illness.
having children who choose unhappy paths.
the early death of a spouse.

So our circumstances do not have to control our faith. We can have the faith and hope to control our attitudes in spite of our circumstances. And I choose to look at those who are faithful regardless of what they must go through in this life. Oddly, or rather, not, they are some of the happiest people I know.

Political Two Cents

I don't pretend to be well-educated in the area of politics, but as of late, I have read a great deal about this nation's history and the purpose of it's establishment and government. I firmly believe our founding fathers were inspired by our Heavenly Father to create such an unprecedented way of governing. He has blessed this nation with unique freedoms and circumstances as no other nation has been. But where is our country headed? Can we not see the connection between the moral decay of our country and the increased "intolerance" for the belief in a right and a wrong? If nothing is "wrong", and everything is right because someone desires it, we only find ourselves with more "rights" and no responsibilities, and no virtue. Lately I have seen that our country's own government is only facilitating this idea of "entitlement" without responsibility and without virtue!

“Nowadays, the purpose of government is not so much to secure our natural rights as to provide us new rights, to bestow on us social and economic and other kinds of entitlements – the list goes on and on, and it's still being added to.” --Charles Kesler
"Big Government is intrusive and not liberating…Big Government constrains you for the sake of equality so that your freedom is no greater than anyone else's. It also constrains you for your own comfort and security. Its constant tendency to control and equalize the conditions of life leads it to attempt to diminish the risks of life by which inequalities of fortune, and even of merit, occur. In diminishing your risks Big Government diminishes your virtue, because it (THE GOVERNMENT) assumes responsibility for making things come out well for you despite YOUR errors or, what is more and more likely, your INACTION." --Harvey Mansfield

Is more government the answer to the constant pleas for more rights and seemingly less tolerance for faith and moral values?

Courage and Truth

I came across this on YouTube, and thought it was well worth sharing. How incredible that a person as young as this could be so gifted a speaker and could dictate so boldly on such a controversial topic. What an example her conviction is! I can only hope I can teach my children to stand strong for truth and good in the face of shifting moral values and the emphasis on "rights" rather than "responsibility" world we live in.

http://www.nmatv.com/video/1318/Preteen-pro-life-speech-goes-viral

One True Source of Peace

"Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace when other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice, I draw myself apart, searching my soul?
Where, when my aching grows, where, when I languish, where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish? Who, who can understand? He, only one.
He answers privately, reaches my reaching in my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace He finds for my beseeching. Constant He is and kind, love without end."

The Savior's Yoke

I recently read a very thought-provoking book called "The Peacegiver" by James Ferrell. It was about the Atonement, but not strictly in an informative sense. It addressed the subject in such an illuminating way that I felt my view of this miraculous act was forever changed. Maybe not "changed" necessarily, but deepened so much as to make my perspective on life different. I thought about how many times I try and do things by myself believing that I am weak if I have to ask for help so readily. And I thought about how easy it is to succumb to pride in terms of it's true meaning: comparison. How easily I base my reactions off of others' actions; putting myself in the victim mode too often and thinking that righteousness is a relative term--that somehow if I'm doing "more" then I shouldn't have to be the one to humble myself or apologize first. This book really opened my eyes to see how the Savior suffered for each one of us individually and that our happiness is separate from what others do around us. And what we choose to do in life should only be based on our relationship with the Savior, never being provoked or justified by another's actions. Many times we see others acting in certain ways or saying certain things and we feel it justifies us in acting in a way we otherwise wouldn't. Or we're allowed to feel more righteous than them because they are "sinning" worse than we are. How are we to make that judgment or assumption? To quote from the book (the author is bringing out a parallel to our lives through the story of Jonah):

"You see, Ricky, relative righteousness means nothing. Whether Jonah was better or worse than Nineveh isn't the question at all.... Some laborers work longer, the Savior told us in one of his parables, and others shorter. Each person's payment at the end of the day has nothing whatsoever to do with the work of others. We are each working out our own salvation with fear and trembling before the Lord. And that gift will come to us only if we know in our hearts that we deserve it no more than anyone else.... The truth is, we are all, each of us, equally damned without the mercy of the Lord. Eternal life is a gift. I have no cause to feel entitled. I have cause only to feel grateful."

I feel very humbled by this and immensely unworthy, yet grateful, for what the Savior has done for us, all of us individually. I have come to understand that the Atonement means so much more than "suffering for us". It seems like we use that phrase so casually because, well, who of us can possibly comprehend what was actually done in the garden of Gethsemane? But I know that the Atonement is real and that because of it I am free from the powers of darkness and temptation, if I choose. And why not choose Christ? What happier alternative would there be? I don't have to be in the power of Satan or succumb to weakness! Christ has done that for me already, and He faced what none of us will ever have to. So we should come unto Him every day of our lives. One final quote, Christ suffered an "indescribable anguish and overpowering torture, a supreme contest with the power of evil, an hour of anguish when Christ had to meet and overcome all the horrors that Satan could inflict. And he suffers all this.... for us.... the addict, the abuser, the chronic complainer, those whose spirits are depressed. His struggle tonight is for all mankind, but only because it was for each of us, individually and specifically.... If we harden not our hearts and stiffen not our necks against him, he will facilitate the breaking of our sinful, stony hearts and will give us what Ezekiel called his new 'heart of flesh', saving us from all our uncleannesses. This is the miracle of Gethsemane."

Never Give Up Hope

"Hope sustains us through despair. Hope teaches that there is reason to rejoice even when all seems dark around us."

I have given up hope before. I have thought that God must not care about His children, must not love them enough to prevent the trials and horrors that come to many, even the innocent. I have thought maybe the suffering that I see is an indication of God wanting us to suffer and to live in darkness and despair for a punishment. But I have learned that seeing things in this way only gives way to more darkness, confusion, and despair. And I have to ask myself, "Am I happier for giving in to such a conclusion?" No. So I will choose to have hope that God loves me and will care for me in spite of so much suffering. He knew that trials of every kind, evil and unspeakable injustices and horrors would be among us. And this because the devil would have power over the hearts of many, and God would allow us all to have our agency. Is this unloving or unfair? No, God in His infinite mercy has provided a way for an escape from this! That He has indeed sent His Son for this very reason! Why should we let our hope fail us because of our circumstances in life? We are not the better off for despairing and giving into bitterness and blame. Life is hard and will continue to be so, but why should we make it harder by turning away from the only thing that can give us comfort and peace? We may put up walls of pride and anger, we may victimize ourselves and justify our misery. But where will this take us in the end?

"And to all who suffer--to all who feel discouraged, worried, or lonely--I say with love and deep concern for you, never give in. Never surrender. Never allow despair to overcome your spirit. Embrace and rely upon the Hope of Israel, for the love of the Son of God pierces all darkness, softens all sorrow, and gladdens every heart. "