People Can Be Flawed and Amazing at the Same Time

Mankind is amazing. Since the beginning of time, many brilliant and determined people have helped evolve societies and created advancements in science, technology, business, and government. Much good has been done but I think in some ways, ways that may be deeply important to the future of our country, we have regressed. In recent years, even in recent days, we have seen a shift in what is valued in our society. Emotions, whims, impulses, disorder, chaos, fear, blame, generalization, rationalization-- these have taken precedence over truth, order, individual responsibility, accountability, forgiveness, grace, charity, peace, and faith. It seems the world is in turmoil and chaos. Divisiveness in our nation seems to be at an all time high, even with professions of tolerance and unity. Could it be that we create more intolerance and division by so intensely focusing on the lack of these things? Do we inadvertently become more angry, bitter, and intolerant by screaming and demanding that everyone else be loving and peaceful? Change cannot come by demanding it; it cannot come by screaming for it, rioting for it, or silencing others for it. True change comes when thoughtful, intentional dialogue can take place. When both sides see the other as equals--equal in human value, in validity of thought, and worthy of kindness and love. The media and social media world is a terrible ground on which to build this line of thinking. Rational, calm and well-thought out conversations seem to be in short supply these days. And it’s because more and more people are becoming less rational, less calm, and less well-thought out in their own ideas and conclusions. Why? Why are more and more people unwilling to do research for themselves, or to listen to opposing thoughts and opinions? Why are feelings and biases more important than truth? Media is certainly part of it. But I also think it’s  because it’s EASY. Finding truth is hard, being willing to be wrong is hard. And our human brains by default don’t like that--we like to do what is fast, convenient, and easy.  It is easy to just read news headlines and social media posts and take them as fact. It’s easy to just jump on a bandwagon of thought and stay there. In a wagon you get to ride everywhere--why get off and walk, run, or push? That’s too hard. And hard is just not acceptable in our society. So we will force everyone to change any thought or idea that makes it “harder” for someone else. And all in the name of unity. But it seems we have a new standard of unity: that everyone must agree on a belief system that is set forth by a certain visible and loud group of people. And if you don’t comply with this narrative then you are insensitive, intolerant, and cruel. Except, how can you force unity? Isn’t the group doing the forcing then exhibiting the very things they want others to stop doing? How can you be tolerant while being intolerant of other belief systems? How can you be kind when your standard of kindness only extends to those who think the same way as you? How can you be sensitive and understanding when you are not even willing to hear and listen to another human being’s point of view? We talk about not stereotyping, about not putting people into groups, but that very thing is happening when we extrapolate a few people’s bad behavior onto everyone else associated with that group. We are not allowing for individuals to be both amazing and flawed at the same time. We are saying that good and bad cannot exist together, for if we call something bad, it must all be bad. And therefore, the opposing thing must be all good. This pertains to society at large and to individuals. These are grave mistakes we are making in our society. Even people who aren’t alive today are becoming victims of this field of thought. What are the consequences of this? What happens when you believe that good and bad cannot exist in the same sphere? Well, nothing good! If we cannot tolerate human error and weakness on any level, then there is no forgiveness or grace; no learning or growth. And without these things, what attributes can we reasonably expect to foster? Hatred, bitterness, judgement, pride, and destruction. Some feel that we need to tear everything down to build a “better” world. But at what price? This line of thinking can have catastrophic consequences, as we have seen in events in history. 1930s Germany, for example. Did not Hitler believe that there needed to be a cleansing or rebuilding of the world so that evil and imperfection would be rooted out? And what did he breed? The fruits of his “labor” were horrific and fostered nothing but fear and destruction. I hope we are better than this in America. I pray we can be. It starts with us, as individuals--every person taking personal responsibility for what they create and put out into the world. No blame, no rationalization, no excuses. Just a general desire to do good everyday--starting at home. I have faith in God to lead and guide me and my family, and that is where my peace lies. I know He is in charge and that “all that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.” Be the change you want to see in the world! Don’t just say, shout, write or talk about the change--BE IT.

War of Words

I am a very verbal person, always have been, probably always will be. I love communicating thoughts and ideas on a variety of topics. I am also a person who does not like to be thought ill of. So this can be a difficult combination at times :) I feel like Elizabeth Bennett when she says to her sister, Jane, "I cannot bear to think that he is alive in the world and thinking ill of me." She says this in regards to Mr. Darcy, but I think I feel like that about almost everyone. I have never liked knowing that someone feels any sort of negative emotions towards or about me. There are exceptions to this--usually the opinions of a stranger or someone I don't know very well--their words don't have the same effect on me, or at least the effect doesn't last as long. There are also times when I feel extremely comfortable with my viewpoint and very confident in the fact that I have not acted maliciously. I usually have these feelings in regards to my religion and moral values. It is easy for me to find truth in these things, so I don't sweat people's opposing views or verbal attacks even. But when I don't know exactly what's true and I'm trying to find out, I'm a little more vulnerable. Knowing something is right and true for me comes from researching and reading, yes, but more so from my feelings and experiences. Science and politics are every-changing and I don't have a grasp on all of it. But I try to understand and be open. I question everything, even if something comes from an expert. (Didn't experts tell us margarine was SO much better than butter back in the 90s??) :) It's not because I'm selfish, naive, or ignorant. I research and make my own decisions trying to be caring, educated, and informed. And when I come to a different conclusion than others, I have such a hard time when people cannot or will not try and understand me. I think it is a basic need as human beings to be understood. I truly believe that this is why there are so many angry, bitter, and depressed people in the world right now. Social media has become a battleground in many ways, with hardly anyone seeking to understand. People just draw their swords and put up their shields before even asking why people are there to defend in the first place. Even people I know who are good people, who are kind and intelligent, refuse to see an opposing view as just as valid or important. Differing views are seen as "less than" and the people who hold them as stupid, selfish, and apathetic. I have seen this on both sides of any controversial issue and it just saddens me. We talk about unifying our country, about "getting through this together", but I see so much division happening because no one stops to ask questions--to understand another person. They believe and see only what fits into their already formed narratives (again, this happens on both sides of the isle). And I think what is really behind all of this is FEAR. Fear that what we want to hold to so tightly might not be true after all and that will somehow make us weak and invaluable. Fear that people who share our political or religious views will turn on us if we say something even slightly contrary. Fear that we cannot control everyone and everything around us and that means we have failed in some way. And as I write this, I know that because I have a hard time with others' opinions of me, I am afraid. Afraid of being seen as mean or unintelligent. I know others' words and opinions can't hurt me until I think they might be true, but having confidence in myself is sometimes illusive. But one thing I have learned about confidence is that it's not about thinking you're right all the time and never backing down, it's about being WILLING to be wrong and loving yourself anyway. Being wrong doesn't make you weak or unworthy. We are all human beings trying to navigate this crazy world with all its difficulties and uncertainties. We are on a verbal battlefield sometimes; a war of words, and it can be ugly. But fear cannot be our constant driver. Not if we want to unify our families, communities, and ultimately our nation. So what can I do? What can we do? There is no easy answer but I know that for me, my continuing work right now is to feel love and confidence in the midst of verbal opposition. It's to have positive thoughts about myself, good experiences with my family and friends, serve in my community, and draw closer to God through prayer. I know that much good is happening everywhere and that trials bring out some of the best qualities humans are capable of. It's amazing to see and I'm truly grateful for people who put love and peace before hatred and fear. That is the example I am striving to follow.

Gratitude for America

I have just been thinking lately how incredibly blessed I feel to live in America. I know our country isn't perfect, but we have so many opportunities and blessings that many other countries do not have. Yes, I'm white, I come from a good family, I have an education, have a nice home. So maybe these things make me unqualified to say things are pretty great in America, but I think that we, as a society, have a fundamentally wrong view of how we should be measuring our lives. Is it unfair that I was born into the family that I was? That I have things that maybe some others don't?  Our depth of suffering shouldn't be measured by a socioeconomic hierarchy. What I suffer may not be the same or seem as "difficult" as what someone else suffers but that doesn't mean my opinion or how I see the world isn't valid or important. Anyone can see blessings around them, because really, someone else always has it "worse". I may not know what it's like to be homeless, or divorced, or a victim of domestic violence, but maybe most of those people don't know what it's like to literally starve to death, to have no access to shelters, or healthcare, or clean water. And maybe there are exceptions, but I think we as a society tend to FOCUS on exceptions and then see our country through a very cynical lens. Yes, there are people that will suffer injustices, but I feel like, as a whole, our country is amazing. We have so much freedom. We can go to college if we want, we can work, we have access to good food and government programs and private agencies that give so much to help those in need. We do have protection through law enforcement, and I know, it's not perfect, but we don't live in anarchy. We don't fear for our lives every single day. And yes, there are people that may not be able to afford healthcare, but people aren't dying from curable diseases everyday.  Our modern medicine and technology is among the best in the world.  We should feel so immensely grateful for that! I just feel discouraged sometimes with a lack of optimism and gratitude that I see, mostly from media. But I have alot of hope as well because of what I see around me—the service, the love, and the compassion that so many people in my neighborhood and community give to each other. We can all spread goodness and kindness, no matter our race, family situation, or socioeconomic status. And we shouldn't measure success in life by these things but by the kind of people that we are.  I believe that differences in circumstances SHOULD exist so that people can become good. At the end of my life, God will not ask me how much money I had or if I had a great family situation or what color my skin was. He will not ask what level of college I attained or if I had a smart phone or a nice car. But He will ask what  I did with what I was given  and how I treated other people. How did I become more holy and pure and loving?  How did I handle the responsibilities and stewardships given to me?  These things should be the measure of our lives. And everyone will be different, that's the way it supposed to be! So I guess I'm just trying to say, let's look at life through a different lens, and be grateful. ❤️

Society and Choices

A couple of things have been on my mind lately, mostly due to what I've been reading recently concerning people's thoughts and opinions on various issues. This is mostly for my own cathartic purposes, but I hope others can get some value out of this as well. :) My thoughts have been  centering around our society's views on right and wrong, people's choices, laws, etc. So I hope you will bear with me as I share some of my thoughts on these subjects.

Most behaviors in our society can be agreed upon as either right or wrong.  For example, I think mostly everyone can agree that it's wrong to lie, steal, murder, etc. (There may be many out there who will argue there is a time and a place for lying. I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty of having to answer honestly if somebody asks if their outfit makes them look fat... 😂😂)  I'm just saying that there are certain things that everyone can agree are wrong because they directly hurt someone else in a specific way, meaning the negative outcome is measurable (murder, assault, theft, etc.)  And because the effect is measurable, these things are punishable by law. Then there are things where the lines of right and wrong are blurred because of people's opinions. Things like homosexuality, abortion, pornography, adultery. In regards to these things, I often hear the idea that people should be able to do whatever they want as long as it isn't hurting someone else. Well hurting someone how? Physically, yes. But what about emotionally? Adultery is an interesting one because I think everyone would agree that it emotionally hurts many people (spouse, kids) but it is not punishable by law. In general the law doesn't punish people that hurt others only emotionally. There is always some physical element involved as well. But the health of our society is dependent on the spiritual, emotional, and mental health of individuals and families, more so than physical. We can't focus on the physical consequences only. Many things that laws actually support or don't address at all are emotionally and mentally destructive (pornography is a big one). So laws aren't necessarily the guiding or deciding factors in whether or not something is right or wrong. Laws govern behavior, afford protection, and regulate consequences, which can be a good thing. But too many laws are often evidence of a lack of morals. "The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws"--Tacitus. 

Another point I want to address is how people's personal views should play into the public sphere. I really don't like when I hear people use the principle of separation of church and state to say that people who are religious or spiritual shouldn't bring those views onto politics. What? What about people whose view of the world is based on science or mythology or atheism.  Everyone has views about life and the world that stem from somewhere. So how is anyone not supposed to bring their personal views into how they think or how they vote? I cannot say I will live my life in one way then condone things I believe are fundamentally wrong (as in DESTRUCTIVE to society, not things like "black people shouldn't be able to shop at Costco") in the political or public sphere. And it's not about taking away people's rights. It's about deciding what choices people should have in regards to the health of our society. It's about standing up for things that I believe are fundamentally right and that society will benefit from in the long run. Would we vote to support people being able choose whether or not they want to do drugs or be prostitutes or drink and drive? Those things won't necessarily hurt others physically, so why should there be laws against them? Because the emotional and possible physical damage they could do is real. We know that these things in our society have the potential to have some very bad physical and emotional consequences. I feel it is the same with pornography and abortion. And again, I get that not everyone will think the same things are going to be bad for society, but if you believe something is destructive and will severely and negatively impact society, why would you stand by and not do something? Why would you not stand up for it and fight for it even if it doesn't allow someone to do whatever they want? That is why we have laws in place, to govern behavior, to tell people what is and what is not okay to do. So I will use the values I have to influence society for good.

Just to clarify, separation of church and state means the following, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..." The reason our founding fathers made this law was so that people would be FREE to practice and live whatever religion they chose; so that the government could not dictate which religion they practiced. Our society has taken this way too far the other direction by saying that religion shouldn't be a part of anything having to do with government. Not the way this principle was supposed to be interpreted. 

I know there are always going to be differences in viewpoints in our society, and I believe we should try and listen and understand those who don't share our views. But I also think there's nothing wrong with standing your ground. I think we can all do a better job of stating our views and opinions respectfully and conceding if we are in error. I am grateful for differing viewpoints because it helps me re-evaluate and be more confident and firm in my own beliefs. I hope you enjoyed the read! 

Why It Really Is About Love

I am writing this blog because I've felt sad the last few days, well years really, reading the opinions, positions, comments and posts about issues having to do with gay marriage. It seems like many people are jumping to false conclusions based on inaccurate information. I am a Mormon, and I feel discouraged and disheartened to know that we are criticized and attacked for these beliefs--especially when I think people really haven't taken the time to understand the motives and intentions behind them. So let's pretend for just a minute that you're actually a Mormon. I know, why would you ever want to be one? They're prudes, they have out of date beliefs, they're judgmental, they're uncool, unpopular, and just plain weird. Well that last part is probably true. ;) But if you can think just for a minute--if you believed the things that we believe, what would you ask us to do instead? Would you ask us to abandon what we hold to be sacred and true?  I would hope not, but instead, I would hope that you would try to understand where we're coming from. So here we go, here's where we're coming from:

1. We believe in a right and a wrong. We do not believe in moral relativism--meaning that individuals decide what is right and wrong in terms of righteousness and sin. We believe that is God's job. So if God says something is sinful we believe it is sinful, and we would not support or encourage anyone to pursue or participate in a behavior which would ultimately preclude him from returning to live with God (which is kind of the main purpose for us being here on earth). :) We want to return to Heavenly Father and be given all the blessings He has in store for us, and we want the same for all of God's children (who are our brothers and sisters). God wants us to use our time here on earth to become good and holy people through our righteous choices and if we don't care about the rightness or wrongness of choices, where will that take our society? What will that be teaching future generations?

 2.  God is no respecter of persons. He sent his son Jesus Christ to atone for all mankind. That means that the Atonement has the power to save everyone.  No one is exempt from God's love or the power of Christ's Atonement. But, just because God loves the individual unconditionally, that does not mean he unconditionally accepts any behavior that individual wishes to engage in. The Atonement is there so we can become like our Savior, so that we can become better every day, so that we can repent and change and overcome our weaknesses. It is a wonderful and merciful gift. We are all sinners and we all require the saving grace of the atonement.

3. We believe in eternal families. We believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. We believe that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of his children. I'll say that again: ETERNAL destiny. If we thought this earth life was as good as it's ever going to get, many things would be tragedies: couples not able to have children, people who want to marry but never have the chance to do so (including those with same-sex attraction), physical and mental disabilities, illnesses, the heartbreak of infidelity, death of a loved one, etc. If the consequences of these situations were permanent, how sad and awful that would be. But in the eternities (in heaven) faithful individuals and families (meaning those who abide God's laws even when it's hard and they don't understand what the heck His plan is for them) :) WILL receive all the blessings God has in store for them. We will see our loved ones again, couples will find happiness in marriage and in having children, disabilities will disappear, etc. If we see earth life through this eternal perspective, a lot changes!

4. We believe that God has restored the Gospel of Jesus Christ in our day to give us tools so we can return to Him. One of those tools I'd like to mention is modern-day apostles and prophets. Jesus Christ is at the head of this church, but His chosen apostles are His spokesmen here on the earth. We believe they receive revelation from God in regards to the church in our day. So if an official announcement is made, it is from God and not made up by ignorant, hateful, power-seeking men. You might think that, but we don't. We also believe each individual person has the right to receive revelation for him or herself and for his or her family. Not as a contradiction to what God has said for the church as a whole, but to receive personal answers to issues that may be troubling or disconcerting. Prayer is so important and we believe every person should strive for a personal relationship with God. There may be different things that are right for different people at different stages of their lives and progression. (Not the same as moral relativism, but just realizing that we are all on different journeys and come from different backgrounds and circumstances, and that we need to be sensitive to that).

5. We believe in treating all people with kindness. We are obviously aware that not everyone feels the same way about our beliefs as we do. Many of you reading this might think that believing what we do is ridiculous and that we need to change it now. BUT, how you feel about our beliefs does not change the fact that we believe this is truth. And we need to act in accordance with our beliefs. That is the right and privilege of living in this wonderful country and we should not fear or be made to feel ashamed of the things that we hold dear. Just the same as you. But never at any time has any leader of our church condoned or supported any action that is unkind, aggressive, or belittling to someone who holds different beliefs than we do. If there are members of our church who have acted this way it is out of their own insecurities and imperfections that they are doing so. We are taught that Jesus Christ treated all those he came in contact with with kindness and love. But we also know he did not condone or support sin and we are trying to do the same.

I realize that was long-winded but I hope that it clarified some things for you and I hope that you can appreciate and understand where we are coming from. We are honestly not coming from a position of hate or discrimination. It is sincerely out of love and a desire to see all of God's children receive a fullness of His blessings, especially after this life is over.  Okay, so you might think well then what about the recent announcement? Why aren't you allowing these children to receive these blessings? I would like to refer you back to #3 above. We know that various earthly circumstances might necessitate a delay in making covenants. The church would rather put the stability of the family (yes, even one where there are same-sex parents) above the immediacy of making covenants. That will come as it will for all those who choose good and are faithful. I know that this policy was made to protect these children and their families. The church would never put itself in a position to be the source of division between a child and his or her parents. If you have any questions, I would be happy to answer them for you or clarify anything that might be confusing in this post. Thank you!

Judge Righteous Judgement

"Judging" is a word that gets thrown around very liberally in our day and age. If someone says something in opposition to your opinions or behaviors, they are "judging" you. If they don't agree with your choices or choose not to participate in something they find inappropriate (but that you are okay with) then they are judging you. I really think there needs to be some clarification on the word "judge". I really don't think it means what we think it means! :)

First, in the Book of Mormon, the prophet Mormon talks about making judgments about good and evil. He says, "For the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God." So we need to make judgments if we are to make good choices. We have to know the good from the evil. And how do we know the good from the evil? It is not always going to be apparent, especially in the time we live in, what is good and what is evil. Mormon says we "should search diligently in the light of Christ". We need to want to know the truth and seek after it. There is so much out there that can confuse and deceive us. So many things are apparently good and seem to make us happy. But again Mormon tells us to "take heed" that we should "not judge that which is evil to be of God, or that which is good and of God to be of the devil." So this kind of judging is important for us to do in order to make good and correct choices.

Secondly, the word "judge" is used to talk about the dealings of God and/or Jesus Christ with us. They will judge us according to our desires, thoughts, deeds, actions, etc. The apostles and other leaders are also given this role and responsibility--to judge those whom they have stewardship over. This brings up the point that judgment, meaning the act of deciding what a should be done with a person, is not for us to decide. Especially in terms of the final resting place of the children of a God. God is the one who decides where we will be. He alone knows us--our intentions, our actions, our circumstances, our hearts. As human beings, we do not truly know this about any of our fellow men. We are not to decide who someone is or what they deserve. We really do not know. Does this mean we have to agree with what everyone does? It seems that is a mentality our society has adopted: that disagreeing with someone or thinking something they are doing is wrong means we are "judging" them. Well to a certain degree I guess we are, but I don't think that's a bad thing. It really is possible to disagree with someone's choices and still love them and treat them kindly and with respect. We can make judgments about things without being JUDGMENTAL about people. The word "judgmental" more describes how we look at and treat people, and that is where we can mess up. If our judgement of a person's behavior impacts now we treat that person, we need to reevaluate. Jesus Christ was the perfect example of teaching truth and inviting others to do good, but without making them feel stupid or unworthy or unloved. He did not condone sin, but neither did He condemn the sinner.

We should follow Jesus Christ's example of love and kindness and always treat people as He would, no matter what we think of their behavior or choices. We should remember that we are all children of God and that everyone has had different life circumstances and experiences that have brought them to different points in their lives. We are all imperfect, but we can help and inspire each other to become better just by being a friend, an example, a confidant; and not letting differences affect the way we treat each other.

The Family

"Ideals are like the stars: we never reach them, but like the mariners of the sea, we chart our course by them." --Carl Shurz

I think all of us know that the world we live in is kind of crazy and messed up! :) We see awful things happening all around us, BUT we also see such goodness! It's hard to believe such opposite things can exist side by side. People talk of solutions to the world's problems: more government help (my thoughts on that on a previous blog post) :), stricter laws, improved understanding and help for the sick (mentally and physically), better school systems, etc. But ironically, I think we are lacking, as a society, in focusing on the one thing that would improve our society: the FAMILY. Families are the fundamental unit of society. They are where we learn and grow; where we teach and nurture; where we feel love, happiness, safety, and peace. And of course we all experience, to some degree or another, the negative side of family life--sadness, contention, anger, fear, abuse, divorce. We are human and these feelings and situations are inevitable, but God gave us families because as challenging as it is sometimes, that is His plan for each of us. He knows that successful families bring the greatest joys and allow us to reach our full potential--to become as He is. The "ideal" does not exist in any case, but the quote I posted above says what I think we sometimes miss: that just because we are not perfect as families, it does not mean we stop teaching the ideal. God's plan for ALL of His children is one of happiness and one of families. Teaching these things is not meant to make those who are not the ideal feel guilty or inferior, it is meant to give us HOPE. Hope that even though we do not have the ideal now, we will receive it if we are faithful. We all have things that keep us from the ideal, but the point is that we know what God's plan is for us, and we follow it to the best of our ability. Elder Bruce D. Porter said, "We live in a day when the love of many, even toward their own children, is waxing cold; a day when so many people love pleasures more than God; a day when good is called evil and evil good. Those who defend the traditional family, who stand for fidelity and chastity and all that once was considered wholesome and praiseworthy are mocked and ridiculed. On the other hand, those who see no problem with fatherless homes, who advocate abortion, who fight all attempts to limit pornography, and who seek to redefine the very essence of what a family is, are praised and upheld as champions of tolerance. Truly, the world has turned upside down." So very true. There are all kinds of ideas and opinions out there about the family and we might think it just doesn't really matter anymore. But it does. God's word is unchanging and drifting away from what He has taught will only bring misery, both as individuals and as nations. But imagine if each one of us had a personal relationship with a God, if we knew we were literal children of God, felt His love for us, and shared it with our families and everyone around us? Imagine how different society would be. If we make God a part of our lives, and seek for His guidance, His counsel, His truth, we cannot fail. "...remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth His mighty winds, yea His shafts on the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation upon which men build they cannot fall." Jesus Christ is our Savior. He alone can change us and that's how we change our families, our society, and the world.